BPD Thinking

Feeling Nostalgic - My Favourite Childhood Poem

"Mrs. Malone" by Eleanor Farjeon (1881 - 1965)

Mrs Malone lived hard by a wood
All on her lonesome as nobody should.
With her crust on a plate and her pot on the coal
And none but herself to converse with, poor soul.
In a shawl and a hood she got sticks out o'doors,
On a bit of old sacking she slept on the floor,
And nobody, nobody asked how she fared
Or knew how she managed for nobody cared.
Why make a pother about an old crone?
What for should they bother with Mrs. Malone?

One Monday in winter with snow on the ground
So thick that a footstep fell without sound,
She heard a faint frostbitten peck on the pane
And went to the window to listen again.
There sat a cock-sparrow bedraggled and weak,
With half-open eyelid and ice on his beak.
She threw up the sash and she took the bird in
And mumbled and fumbled it under her chin.
"Ye're all of a smother, ye're fair overblown!
I've room fer another," said Mrs. Malone.

Come Tuesday while eating her dry morning slice
With the sparrow a-picking ("Ain't company nice!")
She heard on her doorpost a curious scratch,
And there was a cat with its claw on the latch.
It was hungry and thirsty and thin as a lath,
It mewed and it meowed on the slithery path.
She threw the door open and warmed up some pap,
And huddled and cuddled it in her old lap.
"There, there, little brother, ye poor skin-an'-bone,
There's room fer another," said Mrs. Malone.

Come Wednesday while all of them crouched on the mat
With a crumb for the sparrow and a sip for the cat,
There was wailing and whining outside in the wood,
And there sat a vixen with six of her brood.
She was haggard and ragged and worn to a shred,
And her half-dozen babies were only half-fed,
But Mrs. Malone, crying "My! ain't they sweet!"
Happed them and lapped them and gave them to eat.
"You warm yerself, mother, ye're cold as a stone!
There's room fer another," said Mrs. Malone.

Come Thursday a donkey stepped in off the road
With sores on his withers from bearing a load.
Come Friday when icicles pierced the white air
Down from the mountainside lumbered a bear.
For each she had something, if little, to give -
"Lord knows, the poor critters must all of 'em live."
She gave them her sacking, her hood and her shawl,
Her loaf and her teapot - she gave them her all.
"What with one thing and t'other me fambily's grown,
And there's room fer another," said Mrs. Malone.

Come Saturday evening when time was to sup
Mrs. Malone had forgot to sit up.
The cat said "Meow", and the sparrow said "Peep"
The vixen, "She's sleeping," The bear, "Let her sleep."
On the back of the donkey they bore her away,
Through trees and up mountains beyond night and day,
Till come Sunday morning they brought her in state
Through the last cloudbank as far as the Gate.
"Who is it," asked Peter, "you have with you there?"
And donkey and sparrow, cat, vixen and bear

Exclaimed, "Do you tell us up here she's unknown?
It's our mother, God bless us! It's Mrs. Malone
Whose havings were few and whose holding was small
And whose heart was so big it had room for us all."
Then Mrs. Malone of a sudden awoke,
She rubbed her two eyeballs and anxiously spoke:
"Where am I , to goodness, and what do I see?
My dears, let's turn back, this ain't no place her me!"
But Peter said, "Mother, go in to the Throne.
There's room for another one, Mrs. Malone."

DBT Describing Emotions - SADNESS

I actually think sadness and darkness can be very beautiful and healing. - Duncan Sheik 

Sadness Words
Sadness     Alienation     Displeasure     Gloom     Despair     Discontentment     Insecurity     Loneliness     Grief     Pity     Sorrow     Unhappiness     Misery     Anguish     Defeat     Depression     Agony     Dismay   Distraught     Glumness     Disappointment     Hurt     Disconnected     Melancholy     Homesickness     Rejection     Suffering     Alone     Neglect     Crushed     Dejection     Woe

Prompting Events for Feeling Sadness

• Losing something or someone that is irretrievable
• Things are not the way you expected or wanted and hoped for
• The death of someone you love, thinking about deaths of people you love
• Losing a relationship; thinking about losses
• Being separated from someone you care for or value; thinking about how much you miss someone.
• Being rejected or excluded
• Being disapproved of or disliked, not being valued by people you care about
• Things turning out badly
• Getting what you don't want
• Things being worse than you expected
• Not getting what you have worked for
• Not getting what you want and believe you need in life; thinking about what you have not gotten that you wanted or needed
• Discovering that you are powerless or helpless
• Being with someone else who is sad, hurt or in pain
• Reading or hearing about other people's problems or troubles in the world
• Being alone or isolated or an outsider

Interpretations of Events that Prompt Feeling of Sadness

• Believing that a separation from someone will last for a long time or will never end
• Believing that you will not get what you want or need in your life
• Seeing things or your life as hopeless
• Believing that you are worthless or not valuable

Biological Changes and Experiences of Sadness

• Feeling tired, run-down, or low in energy
• Feeling lethargic, listless; wanting to stay in bed all day
• Feeling as if nothing is pleasurable anymore
• Feeling a pain or hollowness in your chest or gut
• Feeling empty
• Feeling as if you can't stop crying, or feeling that if you ever start crying, you will never be able to stop
• Difficulty swallowing
• Breathlessness
• Dizziness

Expressions and Actions of Sadness

• Avoiding things
• Acting helpless
• Moping, brooding, or acting moody
• Making slow, shuffling movements
• Withdrawing from social contact
• Avoiding activities that used to bring pleasure
• Sitting or laying around; being inactive
• Staying in bed all day
• Giving up and no longer trying to improve
• Saying sad things
• Talking to someone about sadness
• Talking little or not at all
• Using a quiet, slow or monotonous voice
• Eyes drooping
• Frowning, not smiling
• Posture slumping
• Sobbing, crying, whimpering

Aftereffects of Sadness

• Not being able to remember happy things
• Feeling irritable, touchy or grouchy
• Yearning and searching for the thing lost
• Having a negative outlook; thinking only about the negative side of things
• Blaming or criticizing yourself
• Remembering or imagining other times you were sad and other losses
• Hopeless attitude
• Fainting spells
• Nightmares
• Insomnia
• Appetite disturbances, indigestion
• Depersonalization, dissociative experiences, numbness or shock

Typical Secondary Emotions of Sadness

• Anger, shame, fear

DBT Describing Emotions - LOVE

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Love Words
Love     Compassion     Longing     Adoration     Desire     Lust     Affection     Enchantment     Passion     Arousal     Fondness     Sentimentality     Attraction     Infatuation     Sympathy     Caring     Kindness     Tenderness     Charmed     Liking     Warm

Prompting Events for Feeling Love

• A person offers or gives you something you want, need or desire
• A person does things you want or need the person to do
• A person does things you particularly value or admire
• Feeling physically attracted to someone
• You spend alot of time with a person
• You share a special experience together with a person
• You have exceptionally good communication with a person
• Being with someone you have fun with

Interpretations of Events That Prompt Feelings of Love

• Believing that a person loves, needs or appreciates you.
• Thinking a person is physically attractive
• Judging a person's personality as wonderful, pleasing or attractive
• Believing that person can be counted on, or will always be there for you

Biological Changes and Experiences of Love

    When you are with or thinking about someone:

• Feeling excited and full of energy
• Fast heartbeat
• Feeling self-confident
• Feeling invulnerable
• Feeling happy, joyful or exuberant
• Feeling warm, trusting and secure
• Feeling relaxed and calm
• Wanting the best for a person
• Wanting to give things to a person
• Wanting to see and spend time with a person
• Wanting to spend your life with a person
• Wanting physical closeness or sex
• Wanting emotional closeness

Expressions and Actions of Love

• Saying "I love you."
• Expressing positive feelings to a person
• Eye contact, mutual gaze
• Touching, petting, hugging, holding, cuddling
• Sexual activity
• Smiling
• Sharing time and experiences with someone
• Doing things that the other person wants or needs

Aftereffects of Love

• Only being able to see a person's positive side
• Feeling forgetful or distracted; daydreaming
• Feeling openness and trust
• Feeling "alive", capable
• Remembering other times and people you have loved
• Remembering other people who have loved you
• Remembering and imagining other positive events
• Believing in yourself, believing you are wonderful, capable, competent

Typical Secondary Emotions of Love

• Exhilarating feeling of joy
• Ecstasy
• Contentment
• When the loved one is not available or doesn't respond, feelings of sadness, grief, anger, hatred or shame

DBT Describing Emotions - JEALOUSY

“O, beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on.” ― William Shakespeare, Othello

Jealousy Words

Jealous     Cautious     Clinging     Defensive     Fear of losing someone/something     Self-protective     Mistrustful     Rivalrous     Suspicious     Wary

Prompting Events for Feeling Jealous

• Someone is threatening to take away important things in your life
• A desired relationship is threatened or in danger of being lost
• You find your lover is having an affair
• Someone goes out with the person you like
• Someone ignores you while talking to a friend of yours
• A potential competitor pay attention to someone you love
• Someone is more attractive, outgoing or self-confident than you
• A person you are romantically involved with looks at someone else
• apparently flirtatious behaviour of your partner towards someone else
• Your boy/girlfriend tells you that s/he desires more time alone
• Not being treated with priority

Interpretations of Events That Prompt Feelings of Jealousy

• My partner does not care for me anymore
• I am nothing to him/her
• He/she is going to leave me
• He/she is behaving inappropriately
• I don't measure up to my peers
• I deserve more than what I am receiving
• I was cheated
• No one cares about me
• My rival is possessive and competitive
• My rival is insecure
• My rival is envious

Biological Changes and Experiences of Jealousy

• Breathlessness
• Feelings of rejection
• Fast heartbeat
• Need to be in control
• Choking sensation, lump in throat
• Becoming mistrustful
• Muscles tensing
• Feeling helpless
• Clenching teeth
• Wanting to grasp or keep hold of what you have
• Feeling suspicious and mistrustful of others
• Having injured pride
• Wanting to push away or eliminate your rival

Expressions and Actions of Jealousy

• Violent behaviour towards the person threatening you
• Threatening violence towards the person threatening you
• Attempting to control the freedom of the person you are afraid of losing
• Verbal accusations of disloyalty or unfaithfulness
• Spying on the person
• Interrogating the person, demanding accounting of time or activities
• Collecting evidence of wrong doings
• Clinging, enhanced dependency
• Increased or excessive demonstrations of love
• Increased demands of sexual activity

Aftereffect of Jealousy

• Narrowing of attention
• Being hyper-vigilant to threats to your relationships
• Becoming isolated or withdrawn
• Changing the interpretation of previous events to suggest that jealousy is reasonable
• Seeing the worst in others

Typical Secondary Emotions of Jealousy

• Feelings of hatred
• Becoming anxious of others
• Feelings of shame or guilt

DBT Describing Emotions - HAPPINESS

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” ― Abraham Lincoln

Happiness Words

Happiness     Joy     Enjoyment     Relief     Amusement     Enthrallment     Hope     Satisfaction     Bliss     Cheerfulness     Euphoria     Joviality     Triumph     Contentment     Excitement     Jubilation     Zaniness     Delight     Eagerness     Gaiety     Pleasure     Zeal     Ecstasy     Gladness     Pride     Elation     Optimism     Jolliness     Thrill     Zest     Rapture     Exhilaration     Enthusiasm     Glee

Prompting Events for Feeling Happiness

• Receiving a wonderful surprise
• Reality exceeding your expectations
• Getting what you want
• Getting something you have worked hard for or worried about
• Things turning out better than you thought they would
• Being successful at a task
• Achieving a desirable outcome
• Receiving esteem, respect or praise
• Receiving love, liking or affection
• Being accepted by others
• Belonging somewhere or with someone or a group
• Being with or in contact with people who love or like you
• Having very pleasurable sensations
• Doing things that create or bring to mind pleasurable sensations

Interpretations of Events That Prompt Feelings of Happiness

• Interpreting joyful events just as they are, without adding or subtracting

Biological Changes and Experiences of Happiness

• Feeling excited
• Feeling physically energetic, active
• Feeling like giggling or laughing
• Feeling your face flush
• Feeling at peace
• Feeling open or expansive
• Feeling calm all the way through

Expressions and Actions of Happiness

• Smiling
• Having a bright, glowing face
• Being bouncy or bubbly
• Communicating your good feelings
• Sharing the feeling
• Silliness
• Hugging people
• Jumping up and down
• saying positive things
• Using an enthusiastic or excited voice
• Being talkative or talking a lot

Aftereffects of Happiness

• Being Courteous or friendly to others
• Doing nice things for other people
• Having a positive outlook; seeing the bright side
• Having a high threshold for worry or annoyance
• Remembering and imagining other times you have felt joy
• Expecting to feel joyful in the future

Typical Secondary Emotions of Happiness

• Feelings of love, passion
• When the joy is not shared, feelings of melancholy, loneliness, shame or guilt; feeling embarrassed or silly

DBT Describing Emotions - FEAR

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” ― Jim Morrison

Fear Words

Fear     Horror     Shock     Anxiety     Hysteria     Tenseness     Apprehension     Jumpiness     Terror      Dread     Nervousness     Uneasiness     Edginess      Overwhelmed     Worry     Fright     Panic

Prompting Events for Feeling Fear

• Having your life, your health or your well being threatened
• Eating in a similar or the same situation where you have been threatened or gotten hurt in the past or where painful things have happened
• Flashbacks
• Silence
• Being in situations where you have seen others threatened or hurt
• Being in a new or unfamiliar situation
• Being alone (e.g. walking alone, being home alone, living alone)
• Being in the dark
• Being in crowds
• Leaving your home
• Having to perform in front of others (e.g. school, work)
• Pursuing your dreams

Interpretations of Events That Prompt Feelings of Fear

• Believing that you might die, or that you are going to die
• Believing that you might be hurt or harmed or that you might lose something valuable
• Believing that someone might reject you, criticize, dislike or disapprove of you
• Believing you will embarrass yourself
• Believing that failure is possible, expecting to fail
• Believing that you will not get help you want or believe you need
• Believing  that you might lose help and assistance you already have
• Believing that you might lose someone or something you want
• Losing a sense of control, believing that you are helpless
• Losing a sense of mastery or competence

Biological Changes and Experiences of Fear

• Breathlessness
• Feeling nervous, jittery or jumpy
• Clenching teeth
• Wanting to run away or avoid things
• Feeling nauseous
• Wanting to scream or call out
• Getting cold
• Feeling your hairs standing on end
• Feeling of heaviness or fluttering (butterflies) in stomach
• Choking sensation, lump in throat
• Getting clammy
• Fast heartbeat
• Muscles testing, cramping

Expressions and Actions of Fear

• Fleeing, running away
• Talking yourself out of doing what you fear
• Running or walking hurriedly
• Freezing or trying not to move
• Hiding from or avoiding what you fear
• Engaging in nervous fearful talk
• Shaking, quivering or trembling
• Leaving or crying for help
• Shaky or trembling voice
• Talking less or becoming speechless
• Sweating or perspiring
• Screaming or yelling
• Breathing fast
• Darting eyes or quickly looking around
• Crying or whimpering
• Diarrhea, vomiting
• Frozen stare
• Hair erect

Aftereffects of Fear

• Narrowing of attention
• Being hyper-vigilant to threat
• Losing your ability to focus or becoming disoriented
• Being dazed
• Losing control
• Imagining the possibility of more loss or failure
• Isolation
• Remembering and ruminating about other threatening times, other times when things did not go well
• Depersonalization, dissociative experiences
• Numbness or shock

Typical Secondary Emotions of Fear

• Intense anger, shame or other negative emotions