DBT Describing Emotions - Shame

Shame is an unhappy emotion invented by pietists in order to exploit the human race. - Blake Edwards

Shame Words
Shame     Discomposure     Mortification     Contrition     Embarrassment     Self-Conscious     Culpability     Humiliation     Shyness


Prompting Events for Feeling Shame

• Being rejected by people you care about
• Having others find out that you have done something wrong
• Doing (feeling or thinking) something that people you admire believe is wrong or immoral
• Comparing some aspect of yourself or your behavior to a standard and feeling like you do not live up to that standard
• Being betrayed by a person you love
• Being laughed at, made fun of
• Being criticized in public, in front of someone else; remembering public criticism
• Others attacking your integrity
• Being reminded of something wrong, immoral or "shameful" you did in the past
• Being rejected or criticized for something you expected praise for
• Having emotions/experiences that have been invalidated
• Exposure of a very private aspect of yourself or your life
• Exposure of a physical characteristic you dislike
• Failing at something you feel you are (or should be) competent to do so

Interpretations of Events that Prompt Feelings of Shame

• Believing that other will reject you (or have rejected you)
• Judging yourself to be inferior, not "good enough", not as good as others; self-invalidation
• Comparing yourself to others and thinking that you are a "loser"
• Believing yourself unlovable
• Thinking that you are bad, immoral or wrong
• Thinking you are defective
• Thinking you're a bad person or a failure
• Believing your body (or a body part) is too big, too small or ugly
• Thinking that you have not lived up to others' expectations of you
• Thinking that your behaviour, thoughts or feeling are silly or stupid

Biological Changes and Experiences of Shame

• Pain in the pit of the stomach
• A sense of dread
• Wanting to shrink down and/or disappear
• Wanting to hide or cover your face and body

Expressions and Actions of Shame

• Hiding behaviour or characteristic from other people
• Avoiding the person you have harmed
• Avoiding persons who have criticized you
• Avoiding yourself - distracting, ignoring
• Withdrawing, covering your face
• Bowing your head, grovelling
• Appeasing; saying you are sorry over and over and over
• Looking down and away from others
• Sinking back, slumped and rigid posture
• The halted speech, lowered volume while talking

After-effects of Shame

• Avoiding thinking about your transgression, shutting down, blocking all emotions
• Engaging in distracting, impulsive behaviours to divert your mind or attention
• High amount of "self-focus"; preoccupation with self
• Depersonalization, associative experiences, numbness or shock
• Attacking or blaming others
• Conflicts with other people. Isolation, feeling alienated
• Impairment in ability to problem solve

Typical Secondary Emotions of Shame

• Anger, contempt, disgust, fear